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You Can’t Wake Someone Pretending to Be Asleep: The Truth About Change and Personal Growth

Why Some People Resist Change—And How to Focus on Your Own Growth Instead

Sunday, February 23, 2025

You can’t wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

— Navajo Proverb

This Navajo proverb, "You can’t wake a person who is pretending to be asleep," speaks to the idea that true change, learning, and growth must come from within. It suggests that no amount of external effort—whether through persuasion, reasoning, or force—can awaken someone who is unwilling to acknowledge reality or embrace transformation.

Expanded Meaning

At its core, this proverb addresses the willful avoidance of truth. When someone is truly asleep, they can be woken up with effort. However, when someone is only pretending to sleep, no amount of shaking or calling their name will make a difference—they have already made the choice to remain in that state.

This applies to many aspects of life:

  • Personal growth: You cannot push someone to change if they are not open to self-improvement or introspection.

  • Learning and wisdom: True understanding comes from a willingness to see beyond one's existing beliefs. If someone refuses to listen or learn, no amount of wisdom will penetrate their resistance.

  • Denial and avoidance: Whether in relationships, work, or society, some people refuse to see the truth—even when it's right in front of them. No argument or evidence will persuade someone who has already decided to ignore reality.

This idea can be seen in situations where people resist change out of fear, pride, or comfort. Whether it's an addict who refuses to admit they need help, a person in a toxic relationship who won’t acknowledge red flags, or someone who denies the facts in favor of their own convenient narrative, no outside force can "wake" them. Only their own willingness to accept reality can do that.

Understanding and Context of Origin

This proverb originates from the Navajo (Diné) people, one of the largest Native American tribes in the United States. Navajo culture places deep value on wisdom, awareness, and the interconnectedness of all things. Many of their proverbs emphasize the importance of personal responsibility and the understanding that each individual must walk their own path to knowledge and self-discovery.

This saying is also reflective of broader Indigenous philosophies that highlight respect for others' journeys. In many Native American traditions, forcing knowledge upon someone who is not ready for it is seen as futile or even disrespectful. Instead, the belief is that people must come to wisdom on their own when they are ready to receive it.

How This Applies to Personal Growth

If you find yourself trying to "wake" someone who is pretending to be asleep—whether it’s a friend, family member, or colleague—it may be more effective to step back and allow them to come to their own realization. Sometimes, people need to experience consequences or personal revelations before they are ready to change.

On the flip side, this proverb also serves as an invitation for self-reflection:

  • Am I resisting truths that I don’t want to face?

  • Am I pretending to be asleep to avoid necessary change?

  • Am I truly open to growth, or am I selectively ignoring things that challenge me?

Ultimately, growth is a choice, and no one can force another person to wake up—they must decide to open their eyes on their own.

Resource List for Further Exploration

  1. Books on Personal Growth & Self-Awareness:

    • The Four Agreements – Don Miguel Ruiz (Explores self-limiting beliefs and personal freedom)

    • Mindset: The New Psychology of Success – Carol S. Dweck (Understanding fixed vs. growth mindset)

    • Radical Acceptance – Tara Brach (Embracing reality and overcoming resistance)

  2. Articles on Change & Self-Development:

    • “Why People Resist Change” – Harvard Business Review

    • “The Psychology of Denial” – Psychology Today

    • “How to Let Go When Someone Isn’t Ready to Change” – Tiny Buddha

  3. Indigenous Wisdom & Navajo Philosophy:

    • The Wisdom of the Native Americans – Kent Nerburn (A collection of Native American proverbs and insights)

    • “Navajo Philosophy and the Power of Awareness” – Indigenous Mind Institute

    • “Hózhó: The Navajo Concept of Balance and Harmony” – Smithsonian Institution

  4. Podcasts & Videos:

    • The Tim Ferriss Show – Discussions on personal growth and mindset shifts

    • On Being with Krista Tippett – Conversations on wisdom and human transformation

    • “Why Some People Never Change” – TEDx Talks (Understanding resistance to change)

This resource list provides further insight into the themes of personal growth, mindset shifts, and Indigenous wisdom, helping readers dive deeper into the meaning of the proverb.