Why Anger Hurts You More Than It Hurts Them

A timeless lesson in emotional wisdom: Don’t punish yourself for someone else’s mistakes.

Friday, March 21, 2025

A Saint was asked, What is Anger? He gave a beautiful answer: ‘It is a punishment we give ourselves for somebody else’s mistakes.

🔍 Origin & Context

The quote is often shared in spiritual or motivational circles, typically attributed to anonymous “saintly wisdom” rather than a specific individual. While it doesn’t originate from any single verified source or religious scripture, it echoes teachings found in many spiritual traditions—particularly Buddhism, Sufism, and Hindu philosophy—that emphasize self-awareness, emotional control, and forgiveness as paths to inner peace.

🧠 Expanded Meaning

At its core, the quote reframes anger not as something that harms the person who wronged us, but rather as self-inflicted suffering. When someone hurts or offends us, we often feel justified in our anger. But holding onto that emotion doesn't affect the other person—it only poisons our own mental, emotional, and even physical state.

Here’s the deeper insight:

  • Anger is reactive. It gives control to the other person.

  • When we’re angry, our inner peace is disturbed—not because of what happened, but because of how we choose to respond.

  • The quote invites us to ask: Why should I suffer for someone else’s mistake? Instead of allowing their behavior to dictate our inner world, we can choose to protect our own well-being.

💡 Added Value for the Reader

Understanding this perspective is empowering. It reminds us that:

  • Emotional intelligence is a form of self-care.

  • We can reclaim our power by choosing not to internalize others’ mistakes.

  • Forgiveness isn’t about excusing the behavior; it’s about freeing ourselves from the emotional burden it creates.

Letting go of anger doesn’t mean we condone injustice or hurt—it means we choose peace over prolonged pain.

Final Thought

Next time anger rises, pause and reflect: Am I giving myself a punishment for someone else's poor decision? That moment of clarity could be the key to protecting your energy and preserving your peace.

 Resource List: Understanding and Managing Anger

  1. Book: The Art of Happiness by the Dalai Lama and Howard Cutler

    • Explores how anger disrupts peace of mind and offers practical advice rooted in Tibetan Buddhism for cultivating compassion and emotional balance.

  2. Book: Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames by Thich Nhat Hanh

    • A gentle, mindful approach to understanding anger and transforming it through awareness, breathing, and compassion.

  3. Article: “How Anger Hurts You More Than It Hurts Others” – Psychology Today

    • Discusses the psychological and physical effects of unresolved anger, and how to regain control.

  4. Video: “Letting Go of Anger” by Eckhart Tolle (YouTube)

    • A brief, insightful talk on observing anger as it arises and detaching from it to preserve inner stillness.

  5. App: Insight Timer (Free Meditation App)

    • Offers guided meditations and talks specifically on anger management, emotional healing, and cultivating calm.