Wednesday, December 13, 2023

Understanding Our Choices: The Power Between Stimulus and Response

Have you ever been in a situation where something happens, and you react without thinking? Maybe someone said something that made you angry, and you snapped back at them. This happens to everyone, but what if I told you that between what happens and how we react, there's a tiny, powerful moment where we can choose our response? This idea was explained by a man named Viktor Frankl, and it's super important for understanding how we can grow and become freer in our lives.

The Space Between

Let's start with the first part of Frankl's idea: "Between stimulus and response there is a space." A stimulus is anything that happens to us or around us. It could be someone's words, an event, or even a thought. The response is how we react to that stimulus. Now, here's the interesting part: between that stimulus and our response, there's a small gap. This gap might seem tiny, but it's huge in terms of what it can do for us.

Think of it like a video game where the character has a moment to decide which move to make. That moment is our space to think and decide. It's where we have the power to stop, reflect, and choose a response that's different from just reacting on impulse.

Choosing Our Response

The second part of the quote says, "In that space is our power to choose our response." This means that we aren't just robots programmed to react in a certain way. We're humans with the amazing ability to think and make choices. In that little gap, we can choose to be calm instead of angry, to be understanding instead of judgmental, or to be patient instead of impatient.

For example, let's say someone makes a rude comment to you. Your first reaction might be to get angry and say something rude back. But in that space, you have the power to think, "Maybe they're having a bad day," and choose to not get angry or to respond kindly.

Growth and Freedom in Our Responses

The last part of the quote is powerful: "In our response lies our growth and our freedom." This means that the way we choose to respond to things can help us grow as people and feel freer. When we automatically react, we're like a boat being tossed around by the sea. But when we choose our responses, we're like the captain of the ship, steering it where we want to go.

Every time we pause and make a choice about how to respond, we're learning and growing. We're becoming stronger, more understanding, and more in control of our emotions. We're also becoming freer. Freedom doesn't just mean being able to do what we want. It also means being in control of our own minds and not letting outside things control us.

Applying It to Our Lives

How can we use this powerful idea in our everyday lives? The secret is in one word: practice. It's like learning to play a new sport or an instrument. The more you do it, the better you get at it. Let's break down how we can practice using this space in our daily lives.

Step 1: Recognize the Moments

Start by recognizing those moments when you're about to react without thinking. It could be anything—a friend's annoying comment, a bad grade, or even just feeling bored. These are your key moments to pause.

Step 2: Take a Deep Breath

In that crucial moment, take a deep breath. This simple act can create a pause and give you that space we talked about. It's like hitting the pause button on a video game. This pause gives you a chance to think instead of just reacting.

Step 3: Reflect on Your Options

Now that you've paused, think about your options. Ask yourself, "How can I respond in a way that's good for me and for others?" Think about the consequences of your potential responses. Will yelling make things better or worse? Could a kind word or a calm conversation be more effective?

Step 4: Choose Your Response

After reflecting, choose your response. This doesn't always mean choosing the "nicest" option. Sometimes, it might mean standing up for yourself or setting a boundary. The important thing is that your choice is thoughtful and not just a knee-jerk reaction.

Step 5: Learn from Each Experience 

Every time you go through this process, take a moment afterward to think about how it went. Did pausing help you? How did your chosen response work out? Learning from each experience helps you get better at using this space effectively. 

Step 6: Be Patient with Yourself

Remember, changing how we react isn't easy and doesn't happen overnight. There will be times when you forget to pause, and that's okay. Be patient with yourself. It's a learning process, and every effort you make is a step in the right direction.

Step 7: Celebrate Your Successes

When you successfully use this space to choose a good response, celebrate it! Acknowledge that you're making progress and growing as a person. These small victories are what will keep you motivated to continue practicing.

By consistently practicing these steps, we can start to use that space between stimulus and response more effectively. It's a journey of becoming more aware of our reactions and learning to control them, rather than letting them control us. Over time, you'll notice that you're becoming more patient, understanding, and thoughtful in your responses. This is the path to growth and freedom that Viktor Frankl talked about. So, let's embrace this journey and see where it takes us!

Conclusion

Remember, things happen to us. But we don't have to be like leaves blown around by the wind. We can be like strong trees, standing tall and deciding how we want to react to the wind. This idea from Viktor Frankl isn't just a cool thought; it's a tool that can help us become better, stronger, and more free individuals. Let's start using that space between stimulus and response to make the best choices we can!