Saturday, August 9, 2025

We live in a fast-paced world where snap judgments have become second nature. We judge drivers who cut us off, co-workers who miss deadlines, or strangers who act rudely. Often, we make these decisions instantly, without knowing the full story. Doe Zantamata’s words invite us to take a different approach—one that requires more effort, but offers far greater rewards.

Judgment: Quick, Easy, and Divisive

Judging is effortless. It gives us the illusion of certainty and control. We observe an action, decide what it means, and move on. But judgment often oversimplifies human complexity. It places us above others, creating an “us versus them” mentality. This not only distances us from others, but also limits our own emotional growth.

Understanding: Slow, Deep, and Transformative

Understanding asks more of us. It requires compassion to empathize with someone’s struggles, patience to withhold conclusions until we have more context, and a willingness to believe in the good—to acknowledge that even well-intentioned people can make poor choices.

This approach doesn’t mean excusing harmful behavior. Instead, it means looking beyond the surface to see the forces driving someone’s actions. It asks us to replace the question “What’s wrong with them?” with “What might have led them here?”

The Human Paradox

One of life’s truths is that good hearts sometimes choose poor methods. A stressed parent might yell out of frustration. A friend might cancel plans because they’re overwhelmed. These choices may be harmful, but they don’t necessarily define the person’s entire character. Understanding helps us respond with both truth and grace—addressing the behavior without condemning the person.

Separation vs. Growth

Judgment divides. It builds walls. Understanding builds bridges. When we seek to understand, we strengthen our capacity for empathy, deepen our relationships, and grow into wiser, more compassionate individuals.

How to Shift from Judgment to Understanding

1. Pause & Ask – Before reacting, ask, “What else could be true about this situation?”

2. Role Reversal – Imagine standing in the other person’s shoes, with their life history, pressures, and fears.

3. Seek Context – Give people the space to explain before forming conclusions.

4. Practice Gratitude – Focus on what you value about people, even when you disagree with their actions.
   

Resources:

Books

• Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life – Marshall B. Rosenberg

• The Gifts of Imperfection – Brené Brown

• Emotional Intelligence 2.0 – Travis Bradberry & Jean Greaves

Articles

• “The Science of Empathy” – Greater Good Science Center

• “Why We Judge Others” – Psychology Today

Videos

• The Power of Vulnerability – Brené Brown (TED Talk)

• Empathy – Simon Sinek (YouTube)

Practical Exercises

• Pause & Ask before reacting

• Role Reversal perspective-taking

• Gratitude Journaling for challenging relationships

The Takeaway

The next time you’re tempted to judge someone’s actions, pause. Consider that there may be more to the story than you can see. By replacing judgment with curiosity and compassion, you not only offer grace to others—you also open the door to your own personal growth.

After all, as Doe Zantamata reminds us: Through judging, we separate. Through understanding, we grow.